Holiday time has struck. And in case you haven't noticed, the "where are you going on holiday" debates will remind you. The summer holidays are (along with Christmas) something of a culmination of the annual cycle and therefore, paradoxically, a time that can be pretty mentally taxing. After all, we are all more or less in thrall to the mental convention of the 'great holiday'. We subconsciously (and unrealistically) expect to have a great time on holiday, to relax, to see and experience everything... The reality then can't quite satisfy us.
Holidays on the list of stress factors? Isn't that a mistake?
It's not. As psychologists have long known, any change in a habitual stereotype is to some extent burdensome (i.e. stressful), even if it is a positive change. For every change our organism - body and head - has to adapt. And by deviating from the usual rhythm of life, which a holiday undoubtedly is, our organism may be unpleasantly surprised: a different daily routine? A different diet? A different climate? What does that mean?
In the so-called Life Events Inventory (Holmes and Rahe), the holiday is rated with 13 stress points (Christmas has 12, probably because it lasts a shorter time). It's not much on the scale, but it's not entirely insignificant either. Add to that the fact that vacation time itself is just sort of the tip of the iceberg in this sense: before we even go anywhere, we have to plan, organize, coordinate with the rest of the family, make arrangements at work, pay (!), etc. In addition, at work we typically catch up on the rest before the vacation, which can't wait those two weeks. At home, we need to figure out picking out the mailbox, watering the flowers, watching the cat or dog, and a thousand other things. It all falls into a kind of pre-holiday stress syndrome.
Seven rules to reduce pre-holiday stress
Rule 1:
Choose your holiday wisely and in accordance with your financial, time and "HR" (human resources) capabilities. With younger children, it's best not to consider sightseeing holidays at all, and probably not to travel too far. (Dragging children to the Caribbean doesn't make sense, unless you're going there for yourself.) Teens and older may already have more niche interests, and can be dragged to the occasional museum or amphitheater tour, but we also need to give them time for their "goofy fun". Don't get angry when your 14-year-old son rushes into a video game store (daughter into a boutique) in Paris next to Notre-Dame and gets angry when you take him on a tour of the cathedral. It's the age thing and they grow out of it.
Rule 2:
Two weeks is optimal
For how long to take a holiday? Generally 2 weeks is recommended. It takes about three days for the body to adapt to a new situation and environment. (You will remember the lesson from school ski trips that the 3rd day is critical.) Then we begin to stabilize and rest optimally from about the end of the first week. At least a day or two before we return, we are already mentally preparing ourselves again for the return to work. It follows that week-long holidays (e.g. seven-day trips to the seaside) are too short in terms of rest physiology. Nine days is recommended as the shortest holiday, optimally two weeks.
Rule 3:
Plan, plan, plan. With the whole family's cooperation. Especially if you're going on holiday with children or extended family, it pays to be prepared for all eventualities. (Including good travel insurance!) There needs to be room in your programme for everyone - for the kids to "goof off", for grandparents to relax, etc.
Rule 4:
Start really early this time! This doesn't mean to start stressing early or to have everything perfectly prepared and packed 14 days before your holiday - that wouldn't even be normal. (The former would be indicative of an anxiety disorder, the latter probably of compulsive perfectionism). It's more about slowly figuring out what I still need to arrange and prepare, and spreading it out over a longer period of time. Otherwise, you'll panic before the holiday because you won't be able to keep up. (You probably can't avoid a mild panic anyway, but it can be significantly reduced by preparation. "Even though I try to plan and prepare for my vacation in advance, there is always a moment before I leave when I think, 'Why the hell don't we stay home?'")
Rule 5:
Lists and notes. A notebook or notebook is a good place to keep a note of everything you must not forget, as well as everything that comes to mind during the day - what to do, where to call, what else might be useful, what to pack, etc. (For example, if you forget to open the dishwasher, you'll find it mouldy after your holiday - not a good thing. And if you don't forget to pack your child's Kinedryl and a game for the car/plane, it can make you feel a lot better on the trip.) Particularly systematic people have a vacation-mountain and vacation-summer list stored in their computer that they refine every year based on the good and bad of their own experiences.
Rule 6:
Pack gradually. Set aside a "packing zone" at least 1 to 2 weeks in advance. A couch or armchair is best, but you can use any spare surface in the apartment, or even a suitcase where we just throw everything for now. (In case you have furry pets, I definitely recommend a suitcase from my own experience. Pets especially like to lie down on the resulting pile, and then you have hair everywhere.) Many things can thus be gradually piled on top of the packing zone (and checked off the list) during normal operation. The time saved will come in handy in the end.
Rule 7:
Always leave yourself a margin of time. According to Parkinson's laws of expediency, "what can go wrong will go wrong". Favourite hits include a lost passport, a traffic jam on the way to the airport, a virus in the final preparations, etc. If you have a spare, it can still be dealt with. If you are on a tight schedule, you may end up going nowhere.
Šťhappy family on vacation?
As in the brochures of travel agencies (see picture), it probably won't be completely. After we have somehow managed all the preparations and we didn't even miss our plane, we can partially relax. But to expect that there will automatically be a wonderful feeling of well-being, everyone will get along perfectly, the weather will be beautiful and the accommodation will be perfect - that's a guaranteed recipe for a spoiled holiday. Be realistic and don't expect too much. Then you will be pleasantly surprised.
If you have partner conflicts, they are more likely to intensify on holiday. A lot of research proves this: couples in crisis are more likely to break up after a holiday. (Not that it can't, but it requires goodwill and great tolerance on both sides, which is usually lacking in such a relationship.) There are several reasons why vacationing puts a strain on dysfunctional family relationships: the family spends time together from morning to night (which doesn't happen in the normal course of business), it increases potential friction points, and mutual allergies can deepen. If your in-laws or sister-in-law are also going with you, it's already a rather shaky combination. Also, on vacation, people sometimes find that they are bored with each other, that they have nothing to talk about except "operational" matters. It can also happen that in a new environment and situation you suddenly see your partner or relative with different eyes than at home - for example, that he or she can't behave, has no insight, is petty... But it can also be the other way around: you appreciate that you have support in him or her, that he or she is generous, sociable. Ideally, you will (re)discover your partner's good qualities and realise that the relationship is worthwhile for you.
Five recommendations for a nice holiday (anywhere and in any weather):
1. Reasonable expectations
We are the same people on vacation as the rest of the year. If we're fussy and can't experience joy on weekdays, then it probably won't be fundamentally different on vacation. Even our family will be more or less the same.
Holidays don't have to be, and can't be, perfect. If you feel it should be perfect (for the money!), do something about it fast. Above all, a vacation will be what we make it. Which means: picking and planning before the holiday, but on the holiday itself, just experiencing and not getting upset. The main rule of a happy holiday is: take things as they are. (It's not always easy, but if you try, it's possible.) Getting upset and looking for "culprits" is pointless and counterproductive. Husband picked the wrong hotel? What can be done. Don't get angry, don't blame him. Rather, think about what to do now. At least change the room? Take it up with the travel agent? If there's nothing you can realistically do, accept that it's not perfect. If you don't do it, you'll be miserable and uncomfortable for the rest of your holiday. Your husband will be offended and you'll spoil the mood for the kids. You'd better concentrate on the nice and pleasant things - the sea, good food or simply not having to go to work, finally getting some sleep, having time for yourself and the kids... Saying things like "I told you so..." or "You never..." are a surefire trigger. They might relieve your own frustration for a while, but at what cost? Better to (figuratively) bite your tongue when they push back.
2. Balanced programme
Even the biggest workaholic and extravert needs to take his time, not watch the clock and just relax with some quiet activity. Like eating together, reading, having a coffee. So think about your poor nervous system and give it a lot of sleep, a moment of doing nothing and maybe even a little boredom here and there (a small dose of passivity and boredom is sometimes healthy for the organism, it's a kind of biological "reset"). Don't overload the programme with too many activities. One action a day is ideal, combined with a little unstructured time where everyone relaxes as much as they want. Precise itineraries and overly busy schedules are a strain on the body, even though you may be satisfied with how much you are getting done. Always allow for time. Especially when on holiday with children, you only need to organise in a framework and flexible way.
The opposite extreme, just lounging by the pool, is of course not optimal either. Rest is not the same as laziness. Simply put: don't be lazy on holiday, but don't be overly active either - an individually blended mix of active and passive rest is ideal. And don't be conservative. Holidays are a good opportunity to try something new - new foods, horse riding, a yoga or scuba diving course, etc.
3. Adapt, but don't suppress yourself
Someone likes to lounge around on holiday, someone can't stand a moment's peace. Someone is an introvert and needs time to himself, someone, on the contrary, can't stand to be alone even for a minute. Someone has a lot of energy, someone has little. You can't change that, just like you can't turn a cat into a dog or vice versa. If such different individuals go on holiday together, they have to adapt to each other. If you force the rest of the family to conform to your style because "it's normal to cycle 50 kilometres a day", it will end in a crash. So acknowledge your differences and look for compromises. You're going to ride that bike with a friend.
4. Spend wisely
This does not mean scrimping, but spending wisely and within a budget. We are usually a bit distracted on holiday, we want to have a good time. Be careful not to overdo it and find out when we get back that we don't have enough money for the bills. The memories of the holiday become a bit bitter. If you tend to spend carelessly, take cash and a card as insurance. Don't buy gifts and souvenirs indiscriminately. These days are overwhelmed with items and you need to consider well whether to get yourself or others some more. Always imagine unpacking the item in question at home first: Where will you put it? Do you still like it? Was it worth it? (Living room display cases full of donkeys, gondolas, bells and vases from travels are a deterrent to souvenir mania.) If you're going to spend money, spend it on experiences.
5. Disconnect and experience
Our brains are overloaded with stimuli and information (cell phones, computers, noise, crowds, advertisements...) before we even start working. The nervous system has to register, sort and evaluate all these stimuli. We are thus actually permanently alert, even though we are usually not aware of it. We only become subjectively aware of tension and anxiety when it exceeds a certain threshold. (Sometimes the term information neurosis is used for this information overload.) Some people do not tolerate the constant overload of stimuli well and may develop psychological problems, such as anxiety disorders.
It is therefore strongly recommended that you switch off your communication devices while on holiday. Be in reality, here and now, not in virtual reality somewhere. If you must stay connected, set aside time for an hour a day (preferably right after breakfast) to go through your emails and messages, and then stop using your phone and tablet. You won't get any rest if you don't unplug the information cable into your everyday worries. (Emergencies are different, of course.) You don't even need to know what the weather is like in Prague, how Sparta played Plzeň, or what the president said. You probably won't miss anything important in those two weeks.
Try for once to let time pass, close your eyes, listen to the wind... and relax. Wherever you are on holiday.
This article was published with the kind permission of of the magazine Sphere
casopis-sfera.cz / gnews.cz-HeK
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